TheGhostWritersCurse

Suicide. I’d heard stories of jumping off the golden gate bridge, pill popping and  and other things. Most often I could look at these and go “That’s not me.” The feelings of suicide didn’t come into my mind until I was older I don’t know how to describe this pain but for me It’s an overwhelming feeling of pain and burden I carry with my family. It’s a demon that whispers to me  “You’re not enough.”

A few months ago I had what I thought was a best friend. Some things happened and we split. I blamed this person because when I analyzed the situation I did nothing wrong.

Fast forward a few months later I’m in college and I’m learning about family and marriage I am starting to see her side of the story. I get an overwhelming feeling that I need to contact this friend to talk to them. I don’t want to talk about the situation I don’t want to say the why. The why is in the past. I want to say I see her side. I don’t need her forgiveness that’s her choice to forgive me.



Instead my message is blocked. Unread I know.



My heart sinks. I feel the demons coming out to play. “How does it feel knowing that your once best friend doesn’t give a fuck if you live or die?” I grab my scarf off of my dresser yellow and grey. I research if it’s possible to choke myself with it.



I’m Lost. I’m worthless. someone I once shared countless stories with a part of who was is with that person. A person who sees me as shit a person who won’t listen. A person who thinks I’m poison. Maybe I am poison



I’m sensitive  I wish I could forget about this was I a monsters ? I don’t want to blame anyone. No lets face it im a monster and monsters can’t live in this world.



I tie the scarf tightly. I don’t see my future I don’t see tomorrow. I see nothing. Mom will be happier, Siblings have other kids, I don’t have very many friends my life is pointless.



I pull it tight I’ve never done this before I feel my breath getting more and more shallow.



Suddenly my phone pings. It’s not my friend. Instead it’s another friend. She’s sends a simple text



“Know that I love you.”



I set the scarf down the voices are still there.



Silence. The cruelest form of punishment one human can give to another.  thought talking to her was a message. Yet I felt worse than ever.“You did everything you could.” Another voice says. I stop I let this voice continue. “You felt guilty on your part and you reached out to Her, she choose not to talk to you, she choose to block you, she choose to ignore you, Look back on this and know you reached as far as you could. You can be at peace.”

Still fresh I am not over it but  I’m happier. My burden is slowly fading away.  I said all I could, I did all I could, Silence was received. She’s in the past our past memories of what I thought would last forever are no more.

Katie won’t care that I kill myself or that I live. such an empty Idea to know this fact.Do I hate her? No.However I cannot let our past and my guilt hold onto me anymore. What beautiful memories we had.

I’m still here. I know the thoughts of suicide will return but for now I’m still here. I’m still breathing and I know others care about me. I’m still here

Apparently I joined Deviant Art on New Years Day. January 1st. One year. Does this mean it's my magic anniversary ? Any who thank you everyone for the support and kindness. I'm so excited for this year. I have a ton of story ideas lined up and i'm hopeful you'll like them. thanks everyone for the inspiration. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I've been catching up with my inbox today (100,000 watch messages to be exact) and through it I
have been seeing some of your guys lovely work! I would like to tell everyone fantastic job! To
my writer friends I see your stories and characters coming to life. Giving me the opportunity to
go on an adventure with them is the best,thank you! To my artist friends. Wow, seriously... wow
you guys are amazing. your art is what inspires my writing! The fact you can create a whole story from
just a single picture is the best. People sometimes don't appreciate the time and commitment you put
into each drawing, making detail, making it look right, making it mean something. Thank you for that.
Everyone please no matter what people say keep writing, Keep making art, keep creating! You're
always going to have haters and people who despise your work but there will always be someone who
apperciates your work and begs you to keep pushing forward.

Hi everyone,

Been a long time eh? I wish I could tell you all that I'm writing and editing like no mans business and I'll be posting updates to Jack plus new stories soon.That just isn't the case. I've been super busy with work and other tasks in my real life I haven't had time to write. I just wanted to tell you all that I'm sorry for the delay and I do plan on writing/ Doing Photo manipulations a lot more in the future. Thank you for all of your support and understanding and though! I have tons of Ideas for Jack and other stories and I'm so excited to share them with you.

Question time!

Hello Internet,
I'm looking for more pages to submit my story Jack,  I need to overcome this fear of other people reading my work so to try to help i'm looking for more Deviant groups to submit writing to. Do any of you know a particularly rad group to submit your work to? Thanks a Lot you guys!